Fit to work

"One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one." - Ann Landers

I am contemplating going back to work. I don't want to go, but I really should. My job isn't that bad, I am sure someone would love it. Unfortunately it's just not me. The people I work with are lovely I couldn't wish for better colleges. Although jokes when the heating is off, again, don't always go down that well.

I've been off for a fortnight, viral exhaustion. Get a virus, add a bunch of emotional stressors, lack of sleep, bad eating and boom you find yourself whacked out. It's not just that though.

I'm being stalked by the black dog and lately he's been hanging around, not for a game of fetch. I wish I could put my finger on what attracted his attention, but that's the problem isn't it. If the cause was obvious, the symptoms would be much easier to deal with.

I am lucky, I have a great counselor, an amazing family, fantastic friends. I know that balanced food, sleep, exercise are important. Sometimes though it doesn't matter how hard you fight, how hard you try, it still creeps up on you. Drags you down.

So I am contemplating going back to work, but I am nervous. I am nervous about adding something extra to my week. I am nervous about where black dog might lead me, who I might become. 

The Gift of Dyslexia

"The biggest problem with dyslexic kids is not the perceptual problem, it is their perception of themselves. That was my biggest problem." - Bruce Jenner

I think I have mentioned before, I am dyslexic. Today I am particularly Dyslexic. I hadn't noticed it explicitly before, but apparently stress makes me worse. I managed to transpose every set of four numbers when reading out a credit card number.

I don't consider myself "very" dyslexic, although in truth I don't really know what constitutes as mild or sever dyslexia. Sometimes I wonder though, maybe I just don't notice it, maybe it is my attitude that makes it feel like part of me rather than something wrong. It is swings and roundabouts. My attitude, that it is just another unique part of my make up, probably makes it easier for me to get on with things, but harder to recognize where it does make experiences different for me.

It made me wonder what else we take for granted. I am not suggesting we are all walking round a bit wrong, but more self awareness can't be a bad thing?