Fit to work

"One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one." - Ann Landers

I am contemplating going back to work. I don't want to go, but I really should. My job isn't that bad, I am sure someone would love it. Unfortunately it's just not me. The people I work with are lovely I couldn't wish for better colleges. Although jokes when the heating is off, again, don't always go down that well.

I've been off for a fortnight, viral exhaustion. Get a virus, add a bunch of emotional stressors, lack of sleep, bad eating and boom you find yourself whacked out. It's not just that though.

I'm being stalked by the black dog and lately he's been hanging around, not for a game of fetch. I wish I could put my finger on what attracted his attention, but that's the problem isn't it. If the cause was obvious, the symptoms would be much easier to deal with.

I am lucky, I have a great counselor, an amazing family, fantastic friends. I know that balanced food, sleep, exercise are important. Sometimes though it doesn't matter how hard you fight, how hard you try, it still creeps up on you. Drags you down.

So I am contemplating going back to work, but I am nervous. I am nervous about adding something extra to my week. I am nervous about where black dog might lead me, who I might become. 

Borked

"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk." - Doug Larson

Have you ever been in a relationship which lacked in the communication department? One where you were either constantly second guessing each other or at cross purposes. It is not a pleasant position or one which you choose to get into. I am in that kind of relationship with my mental and physical health. My body refuses to tell me straight up what it wants or needs, it tries to take care of itself without my help and regularly fails.

I fell asleep this afternoon for no reason. I don't nap, I hate napping. I'm either asleep or I'm awake. If I sleep I need 4 hours minimum, if I am awoke before then, well lets just say, BEWARE. Why could my body have not just told me I was tired, oh I don't know last night. Or maybe have choose to get some quality sleep during the 8 hours I was in bed last night.

On that same vein why can't it tell me I am thirsty rather than breakdown because I haven't drunk enough water. Why can't it tell me I am full when I have eaten enough or hungry when I haven't, rather that telling me I am full when I am sad and hungry when I am bored.

I guess like with any relationship the real question is, is my body not telling me the right things, or am I not listening to what it is telling me? I guess I will have to just keep trying to find out.

Food glorious food!

"Tim Bisley: Oh my God. Daisy Steiner: What? Tim Bisley: I've got some fucking Jaffa Cakes in my coat pocket." - Spaced 1999

Food truly is glorious, unless it is hot sausage and mustard, because mustard is grim and yellow and clearly not a food. *watches only reader leave*. Whether you are a foodie or a faddie, a gourmet or a junk addict, food plays a pivotal role in our lives and in our world. We spend about 6 years of our life span eating and if you are me the other 64+ years thinking about food. It is estimated that a third of the food produced globally per year goes to waste.

So how come we are seemingly so clueless about how we fuel our bodies. Presumably we didn't develop from being knuckle draggers whilst abusing our digestive systems? We seem incapable of listening to what our bodies tell us. There is too much noise these days, too much choice, to much marketing, to much packaging, to much information, too much stuff that isn't food.

Of course we should be able to stand up for ourselves, but when bad food is made to be as addictive as possible and you can't exactly go cold turkey, it is a hard battle. Never-the-less I strongly feel that people give up too easily, food isn't just about energy it is about so much more. Listen to your body you'll be surprised what you hear.

*feed me jaffa cakes*