Fit to work

"One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one." - Ann Landers

I am contemplating going back to work. I don't want to go, but I really should. My job isn't that bad, I am sure someone would love it. Unfortunately it's just not me. The people I work with are lovely I couldn't wish for better colleges. Although jokes when the heating is off, again, don't always go down that well.

I've been off for a fortnight, viral exhaustion. Get a virus, add a bunch of emotional stressors, lack of sleep, bad eating and boom you find yourself whacked out. It's not just that though.

I'm being stalked by the black dog and lately he's been hanging around, not for a game of fetch. I wish I could put my finger on what attracted his attention, but that's the problem isn't it. If the cause was obvious, the symptoms would be much easier to deal with.

I am lucky, I have a great counselor, an amazing family, fantastic friends. I know that balanced food, sleep, exercise are important. Sometimes though it doesn't matter how hard you fight, how hard you try, it still creeps up on you. Drags you down.

So I am contemplating going back to work, but I am nervous. I am nervous about adding something extra to my week. I am nervous about where black dog might lead me, who I might become. 

Routine

“Sometimes, when things are going hard, you have to use your routine to keep yourself moving.” – Anonymous

I have been struggling to write the last few days as the observant among you may have noticed. Those of you who know me will know that's because there is a lot of "stuff" going on right now. There is lots I could write, but I respect the written word, once its written down you can't take it back. You have to be careful what you write if you are going to write from the heart.

Anywho I have been trying to work out what I do want to share and found something has been sitting with me for a few days. Someone made a comment the other day about depression and the importance of routine. The black dog definitely doesn't hang around if he is well fed, and walked at the same time every day, he's not a play fetch kind of mutt.

Anyone who has every found themselves stuck at the bottom of the dark well of depression knows the drill. Eat properly, get enough sleep. Do the things that need doing, get out of bed, wash, get dressed, don't push yourself but keep a sense of normality, give yourself a lifeline to hold on to.

The things is there is a fine line between good routine and unmanageable routine. I'm sure I'm not the only one that struggles with balance. The reason I'm generally in a pickle is because my routine is too hectic and I've crashed. I feel like I am on a pendulum, balance is possible but fleeting.

So yes, when I am low I need to get sleep, eat well, get up in the morning, get dresses, get some fresh air and exercise. If someone can let me know how I work out when the list gets too long that would be super. I guess I'll have to muddle along, trying to figure it out on my own for now.