Little things

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” ― Albert Einstein

There is a lot going on right now and I'll be the first to admit I am not holding up very well against these waves. My head says that we deal with different things in different ways, my heart says not a lot, and the rest of me says I need to man up. The result of these different points of view is chaos, internal and external.

However small steps are often the most important ones and today I was reminded of the importance of simple things. I've spent a lot of time outside today, outside and with small people. It is, despite my regular instance otherwise, still winter (just). It was grey and damp and blowy out today. It wasn't freezing though, nor was it entirely grey. There were swaths of white and it wasn't snow, there were splashes of yellow dotted here and there. The trees weren't green, they weren't even fluffy, but wrapped up tight in their protective coats are signs of spring. I know because I was showing a little person, well between stirring puddle cauldrons and transforming things with giant stick wands.

Little things are important, taking time out to look for signs of spring, to contemplate the ever changing nature of all around us. Holding on to these little insights is something different. I guess that is the next step. I hope it isn't too big

Look again

"Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I should go to bed instead of sitting here watching Bones and eating a Curly Wurly. Alas I have my snow head on. You totally thought you'd got away without snow chat for a second there didn't you? Sorry no luck people it is all about the white and fluffy today, at least I hope it's going to all about the white and fluffy.

I know, the first sigh of a few flakes and the whole country goes bonkers. I'm sorry, but I love snow, snowy snow snow. It makes everything a little bit more amazing. Yes it is a pain to get to work and everything goes a bit bonkers, but it is so pretty. I feel for those of you who have to get to work, the emergency services, hospital staff, mental health services, prison officers, everyone who makes a vital contribution to keeping things running.

The thing is snow makes me feel alive, refreshed rejuvenated. It is amazing the power in looking at things differently and snow forces you to look differently. My brain definitely needs a different perspective at the moment. Don't get my wrong, my sub-conscious is trying it's best I have been having some fascinating dreams, but the problem is I don't think dream sleep is the most restful sleep. So finding a new view externally is a lot less effort.

My fingers are crossed that the world will be beautifully coated in the morning  Whatever you are hoping for be safe, keep warm and if you get a snow day and decide to pop round, bring some milk, I've only got enough for me.

It's a miracle!......No it's a figment of your imagination. - 11th January 2013

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ― Albert Einstein

Tut tut tut, late again! I should have guessed the lure of the pub would mean I'd need a miracle to post before the turn of the day, but I haven't been to bed so it still counts.

Miracles have been a theme this week. I have been hoping for a few, the fact I got out of bed most days was one. We also discussed miracles of sorts at college, well we considered the miracle question, the question essentially being, "If you woke up tomorrow and found you had the power to alter the way you live easily so that your biggest concern was dealt with, what would that mean and what would life be like?"

Sounds easy, I'd wake up rich, I'd wake up smarter, I'd wake up healthier. It isn't though, the question wants you to look at what you could change in your life which would make the most difference, to know that we have to really know ourselves and know what we want. I wonder how many of us really know what it is that we could change to make ourselves happier, safer, more comfortable in our own little universes. I wonder how often the answer would surprise us, or be far removed from what we thought or feel we can control.

Sure I would love to wake up tomorrow morning and have won the lottery, but would it have fixed the fact that I don't really know where I want my life to go? Would the security of no financial worries really help me to sit down and write in a disciplined way? I doubt it, it would probably just give me infinitely more possibilities when I am looking for ways to procrastinate.

It is an interesting conundrum and I can't help but wonder whether if we gave more time to consider it, if we wouldn't find that what we are looking for is a lot closer than we might have though.

The morning after the day before the night before.

“In case you never get a second chance: don't be afraid!" "And what if you do get a second chance?" "You take it!” ― C. JoyBell C.

Welcome to 2013. Lets face it, yesterday hardly counts. I don't know about you guys, but yesterday was mostly spent eating cheese and chocolate, and chocolate and cheese. There were also movies and cats and the like but frankly it is mostly a sugar and fats induced blur.

So lets just write it off and get on with our new beginnings today.

Last year was a really weird one for me. There were a lot of changes in my world. Friends started families, or had their families grow. Other friends made commitments to build lives together, maybe start families of their own. 2013 looks set to hold much of the same, weddings, babies, new homes, new jobs, new dreams, on and up, on and up. I had changes in my life, but there were less tangible less identifiable. The kind of changes that sneak up on you. You don't even realise you are in the chrysalis let alone what your butterfly will look like.

I certainly found some pieces of the puzzle, not the ones I expected or the ones I had realised were missing. I learnt that I can think for myself, that I might have opinions Which might seem odd, but it genuinely was a revelation. I learnt how to be calmer, more measured, I also learnt the thinks that challenge my calmness the most. I learnt that it doesn't matter how well you know yourself, sometimes stuff takes over and you will surprise yourself both for the good and bad.

I am not setting any new years resolutions this year. Instead I am setting myself a challenge. Stop sweating the small stuff. For now though I am just going to go to bed and hope I sweat out the fat and sugar, doubt it I think I might have to go for a run tomorrow.

Brrrrrrrrr!

Blimey Britain, it’s chuffin’ chilly! Can the last one to bed tonight pleeease remember to shut the fridge!

As you can probably tell I am back from my holiday and once again in the UK. It is amazing, how quickly all my good holiday habits, writing daily, going to the gym, eating well, have gone out of the window. Once again I am amazed at just how much of your time and energy, having a house takes up. However I am also maintaining that my other half working shifts is not helping, particularly as he was on nights this weekend, so I am creeping around, I can’t do the laundry, can’t vacuum, can’t Christmas stuff back in the attic, can’t be arse to do those things either, but that’s hardly the point. So between the cold, trying to be quiet and prepping myself for the dreaded first day back in the office tomorrow, all of my good intentions went right out of the window this weekend.

Still it is a New Year, whilst I don’t make resolutions per say, I am going to use the New Year as added ammunition in my determination not to let a few setbacks to become a major road block. I have a plan, this year I am not going to let the daily grind drag me down, oh no! I am going to fill my little world with things that make me feel, not just good, but also like I’m doing something worth while. Writing is the obvious one, and I will be aiming to write something everyday, especially once I get my new toy! (Thanks Dad!) I will be exercising regularly, not only because I enjoy it, but also because it balances out how stationary you when writing and this whole thing is about balance at the end of the day. I’m also going to try some new looks, because frankly it’s fun and makes me smile as essentially it is fancy dress.

I’ll let you know how it goes, though so far the fact it was bloomin’ cold this morning, more in the office than out of it, and I had to answer so many emails has not been the greatest beginning. However I did help with and owl rescue this evening and return to my dance class for the first time in a month, so lets just say swings and roundabouts eh?

I hope you are all having a successful and happy, or at least warm new year. Feel free to share your thoughts, aims etc. I like to hear other people ideas on how to make live a little better. 

2011 Reflection

I’m not sure if I’ve said previously, but I’m currently in the Grand Ol’ US of A with the folks, siblings and assorted others. It feels so good to get time away from the daily grind, it is as though I have left the weight of all the inevitable life niggles behind. I’ve never really felt that before, but as I sit in my favourite bookstore, in a beautiful Colorado ski town, sipping a hot chai tea latte on what is a bone-chillingly cold day, I truly am able to appreciate how important it is to get away from all that, to take the time to do something different, something that allows you to appreciate what you have. I guess the fact that we are currently braced to step in to a new year might have something to do with it as well.

2011 has been an interesting year, some changes, some maintenance of the status quo. On the whole it’s not been bad. The biggest hurdle has been getting the hang of living in a new home, with my wonderful other half, well wonderful most of the time. There are a lot of things that happen during your journey on this earth that will change the way you travel, some you know about even if you can’t fully appreciate, some that sneak up on you rather unexpectedly. Moving out of my parent’s house has definitely been in the second category. It’s been hard at times, really hard, the days when you realise that you have been living the way you are used to and as a result you suddenly have no clean pants or pans, the only things for dinner are broccoli that has gone to bloom, half a tub of yoghurt and a lump of salami, (take away anyone?) and you have absolutely no idea what to tackle first. Add to that the fact that the other half works shifts, something I am not yet used to and possibly never will be, and the whole thing can get somewhat overwhelming, making you thing that you’d really like to just move back home and write the whole idea off as a bit of a misadventure. Spending your evening shuttling between houses and never really having your own space wasn’t that bad was it?

Whilst those days are hard they are hugely outweighed by the good days. The days when you’ve done everything that “has” to be done together as a couple and then you have time to enjoy each others company, the days that you spend doing the things you want to do and are able share your challenges and successes with that special someone at the end of it, the meals together where it is just the two of you and you just sit and chat, having friends over on your own terms, and leaving last nights plates on the table because lets face it who cares!

The maintenance of the status quo is almost a bigger challenge and weight on my mind, but in a less immediate way. I have no problem actually maintaining the status quo, I get up, I go to work, I do my tasks, I come home, I work out, I see friends, simple. It is un-maintaining, breaking the pattern to allow other things into my life, which is the difficult task. Finding time to write, for example, both here and in other formats, is not something I have regularly found time for in the past, but I know it is something I want, or possible even need, to fit in.

Challenging whether my job is where I really want to be is another. The difficultly there however is whilst I know it doesn’t make me happy, I’m not sure what would. In the past I have spent a lot time locked in an internal battle about what career path is right for me, but as someone very wise pointed out, if you don’t give yourself space and time how are you ever suppose to figure that out. So rather than ponder and debate with myself I have spent 2011 trying to give myself some space to breath, I’m hoping 2012 provides some answers, but I guess not all of us know what we are “meant to be” and maybe I never will.

Whatever I may think of 2011 when I look back, it has definitely been a year of learning, learning how to live with someone new, learning how to give myself space to live, and learning that the things that don’t come easily may be challenging but facing that challenge is worth it. I hope that 2011 was a good year for you and that 2012 is a positive one too. Hey if all else fails at least we only have 7 months until the Olympic come to London (and if it’s not your thing 7 ½ months until it finishes)!