It's a miracle!......No it's a figment of your imagination. - 11th January 2013

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ― Albert Einstein

Tut tut tut, late again! I should have guessed the lure of the pub would mean I'd need a miracle to post before the turn of the day, but I haven't been to bed so it still counts.

Miracles have been a theme this week. I have been hoping for a few, the fact I got out of bed most days was one. We also discussed miracles of sorts at college, well we considered the miracle question, the question essentially being, "If you woke up tomorrow and found you had the power to alter the way you live easily so that your biggest concern was dealt with, what would that mean and what would life be like?"

Sounds easy, I'd wake up rich, I'd wake up smarter, I'd wake up healthier. It isn't though, the question wants you to look at what you could change in your life which would make the most difference, to know that we have to really know ourselves and know what we want. I wonder how many of us really know what it is that we could change to make ourselves happier, safer, more comfortable in our own little universes. I wonder how often the answer would surprise us, or be far removed from what we thought or feel we can control.

Sure I would love to wake up tomorrow morning and have won the lottery, but would it have fixed the fact that I don't really know where I want my life to go? Would the security of no financial worries really help me to sit down and write in a disciplined way? I doubt it, it would probably just give me infinitely more possibilities when I am looking for ways to procrastinate.

It is an interesting conundrum and I can't help but wonder whether if we gave more time to consider it, if we wouldn't find that what we are looking for is a lot closer than we might have though.

Radio Ga Ga

"With a bit of a mind flip, you're there in the time slip" - The Rocky Horror Picture Show

I have finally wrenched myself out of the incorrect listening frequency for my demographic and placed myself firmly in another one, where yet again I don't belong. Actually I say that, for the first time in my radio listening life I am now a two station gal. Six Music and Radio Four share my bestowed grace of tuning in. Though Radio Four is my true love. It does't seem to be able to help but appeal to my inner vintage geeky goddess (god I sound cool on paper....when I am writing.... never mind). The simple fact that they stop broadcasting at 1am, this being preceded by the shipping bulletin and proceeded by the national anthem brings me out in goosebumps of joy. It is amazing, it is like being instantly transported back to the 1950's. Bliss.

Who could not love listening to the home of the Infinite Monkey Cage? Where else do you get an eclectic mix of, an expose on the myth of genie's, half hour of a math's bloke and stats making sense, James Naughtie actually calling the ex-Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt what we all call him, but live on national radio, and of course where else could you possible get the deep unfathomable, but strangely gripping Archers? Tum ti tum ti tum ti tum.

Hmm I actually think that might be more nonsensical than last night. It's getting towards the end of the week though and I am seriously sleep deprived. Expect normal service to resume........who am I kidding.

It's about to get weirder

"You're traveling through another dimension........ Your next stop...the Twilight Zone."—Rod Serling

Welcome, it's late and I've had a long day.......consider yourself warned. I am currently sat in bed duel screening and munching wafer biscuits. I have been to the gym and the endorphin's are flowing. Expect nonsense and limited punctuation. 

Sometimes the way I approach thing exasperates even me. I hate waiting, really hate it. I think it is because once I have made a decision I want whatever I have chosen, now. I need to know if I was right, what the next step is, exactly how things are going to work. I am a kinesthetic learner, (yes, I did just do that to use a long word) I learn by doing. Sure I might be able to grasp the concepts by watching or listening, but unless I have got hands on, down and dirty, I can't be sure if I understand. 

I guess that is probably my dyslexia, I often wonder how much of the way I am is just every day weirdness and how much of it is my kinked up brain. My Dad is just as weird as I am, if not more so. I am fairly sure he is a bit spectrumy as well. That's not PC is it,......is it OK if you say it in reference to yourself and others? Bah your are all geeky creatures you know what I mean. 

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation about being clinically thick dyslexic. Someone shared that it is something they keep to themselves, that they worry about, that they think they hide. Which is something I find hugely alien. My darling parentals, dear old Mum and Dad, are as nuts as a welly full of bats, they are truly wonderful, but boy did they land me with some baggage. Not however when it comes to my dyslexia. As far as my parents are concerned the yes dyslexia explains why my brother and I can't spell,and why my brother writes in the most difficult way possible, but also gives us so much that other folk don't have. Sure my brother and I joke about being clinically thick, but really we see ourselves as having something special, something that makes us different from you normos. In our house it really is the gift of dyslexia. 

To be honest most of the time I don't think about it. The only time I do consider it is when I am communicating in writing and then the thought is, I hope they don't get so caught up on my spelling and punctuation that they miss seeing me *waves*. Not that I am anything special, but I am a whole lot more than my inability to work out where the u goes. (color, coulor, colour, cuouluour?) I'm a bit odd, several shades of special, but there a some folks out there who like, or at the least tolerate that sort of thing. 

I guess all of this really begs the question, if dyslexia can be viewed so differently by two people who suffer/enjoy it. What other "disorders" might we need to reconsider. It is the age old question, is it the mad man who is really mad? 

Cat got your tongue?

"Those who speak the loudest often have nothing to say." - Unknown

I'll be honest my lovelies I honestly don't know what to say today. The cat has well and truly got my tongue  My brain on the other hand is buzzing. Busy day at work, meetings, tasks, lunch with friends. Busy evening at college, lots of new information, and lots of self reflection as is the nature of the beast.* To be honest I would love to say I worried about the fact that my offering tonight is terribly sub-standard, but frankly I'm too tired.

On that note I will love you and head to bed. Please feel free to take wagers on whether or not I manage to sleep. Na Night.

*Level 2 Counselling Skills

Computer says NO

"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy." - Joseph Campbell

So for what feels like the twelve thousandth time, this morning I dragged myself to work only to find my computer wasn't working. It is Monday, I got out of my warm comfortable bed to face a mean cold world at 7am. Despite the dark, greyness of this mornings winter dawn I still wrenched myself out of the house and negotiated the commute to work, the commute where other people are allowed to drive on the same roads as me. I made the choice between parking in a free spot and walking for ten minutes, or parking in a paid for spot and not walking. Actually that decision was made for me by the other people who are allowed on the roads making my journey ten minutes longer than it should be. I then sacrificed myself to the harsh fluorescent lighting, the unpredictable temperature fluctuations and soup of other peoples post-Christmas germs that is the office. Only to once again spend an hour and a half trying fruitlessly to login to my computer.

It took 35 mins for there to be any sign that IT recognised that there was a problem. I tried calling myself, but the line was constantly telling me all operators were busy, which suggests other folk were reporting the same thing. It wasn't just me who couldn't get logged on, but every fellow desktop user in my team and doubtlessly that means every desktop user in the organisation. Generally the laptop users, mostly consisting of those who manage the desktop users, do not have this issue. Their laptops rarely fail to allow them to do their work, this makes it quite difficult to manage relations between the two groups. It is an unfortunate truth that human beings find empathy difficult, especially when they have no experience on which to hang that empathy.

Of course the biggest issue we face is the demoralisation of the workforce due to this on-going issue. I believe if my maths is correct I alone have lost nearly two working weeks since August 2012 due to these continually occurring issues. I don't always go in to work with the Monday morning blues. Sometimes I am all game face and ready to go, but that rarely lasts longer than half an hour into one of these little "moments" our IT system likes to have.

With no solution on the horizon however I suspect I am going to have to learn to live with it, perhaps acceptance can be located at the bottom of yet another cup of tea.

Late Post 6th Jan 2013 - Poor Me

"Each patient carries his own doctor inside him.” ― Norman Cousins

6th Jan 2013! (Late post)

Well that was a terrible night sleep and I still feel awful. Funny how that happens sometimes, I'm certainly not ill, my system is just having a moment. The things about days like these is that your body is trying to tell you something, slow down, sleep more, drink more water, be nicer too me. Working out what it wants however isn't always easy, it's like trying to understand a regional dialect when you only have secondary school knowledge of a foreign language. It is especially difficult when you don't spend a great amount of time listening to your body when it is running well, or paying attention to the signals that you are doing things right. I do listen to my body and I am struggling. 

I think today might be a Sunday for the sofa and sitting down. Tea anyone?

Shhh I'm having a moment, just me and my book.

“So many books, so little time.” ― Frank Zappa

2011 - 13 books. 2012 - 20 books. Which means 2013 - 27 books? Hmm we'll see, I'll be happy with 24, two a month wouldn't be bad.

My first read of the year, in a serendipitous fashion, reflects a new beginning of sorts, J K Rowling's first post-Harry novel. Whatever you think of it a a novel, it is safe to say that the author is a storyteller by nature.

The story of a rural town in the West Country which is struck by the sudden death of one of it's Parish Councillors is a powerful one. The charters are well rounded and in some cases beautifully loathsome, most are flawed. The action flips between the idyllic town and a neighboring estate, which is far less salubrious, with an almost careless ease. The story itself is one of those, things happen, but equally you would be happen just to read about the lives of the characters, at least that is how it feels.

I finish it today and will miss Pagford and it's inhabitants. I fine it hard to move between books, between the world the authors share with me. I also have no doubt that I will re-visit Ms Rowling's new offering in the future as I do so often with her Mr Potter and pals.

First though I must find a new landscape to inhabit, new lives to learn about, because there really are so many books, and time is so very short.