Quit it

"Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." - Saint Augustine

Every year I give chocolate up for Lent and every year I get endlessly asked why, get opinions proffered on the stupidity of giving things up, and comments about how "you don't need to give it up anyway!". I often get made to feel like some sort of social pariah, either for choosing to observe a 'religious' tradition, or for having enough will power to give something up. 

I know Lent is a religious symbol, I know a lot of people think it is outdated and irrelevant, I'm not particularly religious. However I was schooled at a Catholic institution and it was fine. I never felt pressured to believe, or to join in if I didn't want to. For me a Catholic education was one of interesting stories, comforting traditions and friendly faces. The only negativity I experienced was from the academic side of school, not the pastoral, religious side. So for me I have positive associations with the traditions and rituals of Catholicism.  

It is not so much observing a religious tradition for me, as continuing a tradition of childhood. It feels like an important part of the passing year. Given my relationship with time it is hardly surprising it holds significance. That bit is a no brainer for me. 

What about the validity of giving something up, or whether you need to give it up. Do I NEED to give up chocolate? Nope. I am not over-weight and I would imagine statistically the likelihood of me getting big again is probably lower then for many people. The amount of chocolate I do consume probably doesn't do me much harm physically, so I am fine. 

It isn't about my physical health though. It's about my mental health. I have an addictive personality and I am a control freak. So maybe it is good for me to manage my addictive urges, maybe it is bad for me to support my controlling ones. What I do know is, it is necessary to help me move through my year and stay safe. 

At the end of the day why I chose to give something up for Lent isn't really important. What is a shame, is that I feel I have to defend it. It is a complex thing, it feeds part of my story which is clam and nurturing, it also feeds part of it that's more challenging. For those asking remember, curiosity is one thing, derision is something else. 

 

Holibobs

It is that time of year, well actually that time of year is almost pasted and I am running slightly late. Never-the-less I am off on holiday in less than a week. A proper holiday, for a whole week, in the sun. One where I have very little responsibility other than making sure I remember to eat and that I apply adequate sun cream, to be honest though I'll probably get reminded about the sun cream. I am becoming a God-mother during the holiday, but I think I pretty much just have to turn up to that, the responsibility comes later.

I haven't been on a beach holiday for years, I've not been on a holiday where the onus was to do as little as possible, for years. The last time I went on anything resembling a beach holiday  was when I went to collect my little brother from America after his year Uni placement. It was a wonderful get away and we did visit beaches, both coast of the USA in fact. However I did very much have the responsibility of not only getting him home, but also making sure he was coping ok leaving somewhere he clearly loved so much.

I'm an adventurer at heart. I love exploring, doing, finding out. I tend to go on holidays of discovery, be it discovering the terrain on an activity holiday or my Dad and I discovering that you can spend 3 out of 4 day on a city break totally lost because that alley looked really interesting. Equally however I am also knackered, wore out, totally and utterly exhausted. I love doing, and seeing and being involved, but those who know me or are regular readers will know I also have a habit of biting of more than I can chew and my oh my do I need a break.

The though of actually having said break is so exciting.........and completely terrifying. What am I actually going to do with myself, will I be able to sit down for five minutes, how do you do this relaxing thing? I have been trying to practise, I'm not sure I am very good at it though. So far today has been a practise day and I have done the laundry, washing up and watering. I've had a sit down and a cuppa as well though. Now I'm sitting here writing, does that count?

The question is, what is relaxing, what counts as winding down? If you are fairly sedentary anyway, does relaxing mean more sitting, or less? If like me you are constantly, yet not always effectively, burning nervous energy, is trying really hard to sit still relaxing? Or is it about doing something that allows your mind and your body a bit of freedom to just be, even if you are still bimbiling about?

I guess at the end of the day, as long as I come away from it feeling refreshed, recharged, ready to take on whatever the next few months have in store, that is the most important thing. I am hugely grateful that I have amazing friends, who put up with me despite my inability to sit still and probably have a better idea of what is good for me than I do.

If you have a sec share your thoughts of what it is to unwind and chill out. I am going to go and dig out my swimming cozzie but I promise I am leaving the ironing until tomorrow.

No Snow

So I go on a skiing holiday with my family and other assorted significant folk, brilliant, except there is no snow, ah! However I am on holiday with my family and other assorted significant folk, also there is a rather excellent coffee come book shop down in the local town, so all is definitely not lost.

I have been doing a lot of writing in lieu of skiing since we have been here, nothing like sitting surround by words, whilst stringing your own thoughts together on paper. I think there will be a lot more of that over the course of the next week. Not so much due to the lack of snow (and the fact I’ve given myself shin splints), the snow is not the nicest, but equally not un-ski-able, there are other forces at work which will likely keep me away from the slopes.

Going out and catching a few runs is fine, it’s more tiring than usual, you have to have your wits about you, not just for the usual, occasional death cookies, (hard lumps of ice that sit innocently, blending into the snow, waiting to catch out the unwary skier or snowboarder and bring them crashing down in a hail of limbs and equipment) but also for, rocks, grass, tree debris, and occasionally actual trees. There is also a lot of ice, not the patchy, “I’ll just go straight over this and turn elsewhere” sort, the “Oh bugger I’ve run out of slope, I’m going to have to turn really quickly or do an embarrassing reverse out of this if I’m not careful” sort. Still all of these obstacles can be overcome or at least avoided and anyway the views are still great, the sun is warm on your back, and the light is fantastic. There are bits of the mountain best avoided; equally there are runs that I usually hate which are simply beautiful at the moment. One black run in particular I would usually steer clear of, as though it might give me rabies or the bubonic plague, yet being protected from the wind and having gained it’s self a bit of an reputation for being a bastard, means it still has a covering of that illicit white powder, (yes snow, not crack!) and there is no-one else on it.

On the whole, whilst the season is currently leaving a lot to be desired, there is still fun to be had out on the slopes. However it seems the circus may have just rolled in to town and my PMA (positive mental attitude) might be about to evaporate along with the last of the powder patches. Music Fest has just kicked off and college ski week is imminent on the horizon, I have nothing against the hordes of country music fans rolling in to town, nor the college kids coming from a good time, and more than a few beers, the town, could certainly do with the visitors. It is the fact that the folks rolling in, from far and wide, seem to think they can ski despite barely being able to tell a ski from a snow board, or having the foggiest idea how to do up their boots. Sure they have been to the store and brought all of the equipment, well at least all of the equipment they think is trendy and cool, the sudden decline in the amount of people wearing helmets is both alarming and astonishing, still it is their delicate melons that will split open when they fall not mine, and there is the but, they will fall, they do, frequently and generally in front of me! That is what is going to make the mountain un-ski-able for the next few days, the sheer numbers of people out there who are unable to ski and unwilling to accept the fact that it is not a sport you can ‘just pick up’, nor is it wise to try. Much as I love skiing and others in my group love snowboarding, it is a dangerous sport which can result in some really nasty injuries, not only to you but to other people. I know I can ski, I know I can avoid the odd one or two folks who get into a bit of trouble and lose control, but when that becomes everyone on the mountain I am not willing to take the risk!

So for the time being you will find me sat in the book shop with a big steam mug of chai tea latte, and my notebook. To those of you braving the mountain, good luck!