Super-duper

Why is it that Superhero movies command such popularity, what is it we love about them so much? I saw the new Avengers movie this weekend, which in my humble opinion has a stellar cast and excellent script. Still it doesn’t matter whether the film is particularly good or not, Superhero and Action hero films do draw people in. You would think that in the current socio-political and economic climate people would hold less stock in such flights of fantasy. Sure folk want a bit of escapism, maybe a comedy or light hearted romance, but not the seemingly unachievable. You would think Superhero movies would make reality seem so much worse.


I don’t think that is the case though, I think they give us hope. They remind us to believe in a little bit of the unexpected, to aim for great things, because who knows how far we can reach? I should have come away from the film depressed at how ordinary and utterly mediocre, my life is. I didn’t though, I came away exhilarated. Ok I had just spent a couple of hours not having to think about my personal worries and engaging in something very enjoyable, but never-the-less I still felt inspired to do something a little bit better. That is the magic in these films that people take with them.


Superhero movies feel like a bit of escapism, but they also give us a boost and remind us what we are capable of. One of the wonderful things about human nature is our ability to see the bright side. We might not always feel like we can, but we do. We find the things to smile about, things to keep us going despite all the nonsense around us. The government is a bit shit, you might not love your job, or maybe you’re fed up with how things are at home, and if you think about it all at once, it probably makes you feel pretty rubbish. I bet you though, if you really think about it, something made you smile today. Heck maybe it was only something small, maybe it was a bit of schadenfreude, but I bet you did. I am also willing to bet that whatever you are struggling with, even if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, you are still plowing on. That is what we do. It’s easy to miss things like that in the soup of everyday life, Superhero movies are just something we use to remind ourselves to smile and be a bit more awesome everyday. Right I’m off to find my cape and make the “whoosh” noises!  

(PS if you don’t feel like you can keep going until the light appears at the end of your tunnel, please talk to someone! The Samaritans are on 08457 90 90 90.)

Dreaded Dailies

Well hey there, its been a while! So the last *cough* month and a half *cough* has been a prime example of letting life get the better of you! It's funny though, the pattern of writing I'd started to develop stuck with me, I know that because I've thought about the blog almost daily. I can't promise that my next few post will be anything very interesting (the same could be said about the whole blog), but I'm back. If I'm entirely honest it was coursework that drew me away, but it has been letting life bog me down that has kept me from writing.

Letting life get in the way is, I am sure, something we are all guilty of. It happens and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Letting life get into your pores and drag you down is another thing entirely. Maybe life is the wrong word, its the details that get under your skin. That age, old adage of getting lost in the trees and being unable to see you've stumbled in to the wood. Next thing you know you've tried clearing out a little spot for a sit down but the leaves keep blowing back in and a week and a half has gone by. The children have been taken into social services and all the utilities have been cut of back at home. Maybe that's a little extreme, but who hasn't had that feeling of sinking under the mundanity of what has to be done.

Again I need to remind myself to take time for me, I doubt I need to remind you guys, you've heard me bang on about it enough. Not only is it about taking time for me though, but taking it before the 'dailies' steal it from me. Sometimes it is not enough to say I am going to set aside time for me, sometimes you have to say I am going to take some time NOW or else I'll lose it. Sure the sink might be about to collapse through the work surface under the weight of dirty crockery, no I have no pants to wear and the laundry basket has become a laundry mountain, fine 75% of the light bulbs in the house need replacing and I am liable to set fire to myself using candles, but you know what, that can all wait five minutes. I am going to sit here, have a cuppa and read my book/ write my blog/ do something that makes me smile.

So that is what I am going to be practising this week. Well that and getting cross with the government for pretty much everything, and wondering why on earth my employers can't maintain a constants temperature in our office! For now though, my lovelies, my five minutes is up and I really do need to go and finish my final piece of coursework. You though should go and get yourself a couple of biscuits, you deserve it.

It's Oh So Quiet!

Yes I know, not the most original of titles. I am afraid dear read my originality is very much pointed in another direction at the moment. I am currently taking an Open University course in creative writing. I am absolutely loving it, however due to a variety of circumstances, mainly the fact that I am doomed to always hand assignments in a the last minute, it is currently sapping all my attention and drive to write. I have to post my current assignment by Friday though so I will be back with you soon.

Look after yourselves, enjoy the peace! ;-) Oh and if anyone can tell define mood for me please send you answers on the back (or front) of a tweet to @art_of_a_story!

Shrove Tuesday

Happy Pancake Day bloggersphere, I hope you have all spent the day gorging yourselves on lovely treats. I for one have spent my evening indulging in lemon and sugar, chocolate and banana, cinnamon and syrup filled pancakes. I am sure some of you will have given a thought to the reason we celebrate Pancake Day. I know I have had a fair few conversations in the last week about Shrove Tuesday, Lent and of course what, if anything, people might consider giving up.

I find that at this time of year I hear a lot of people pondering what they may or may not be able to give up, always an interesting conversation. You hear a lot of “I might give up this”, or “I'd like to give up that”, often people will decide not to actual give them up. Personally I think just reflecting on what we could or could not do without is the most important part of the process.

What does always take me by surprise however, is the reaction toward anyone, me in this case, who is already committed to give something up. People ask "Are you giving something up?" or "What would you give up?" rarely do I hear "What are you giving up?" I give the same answer more or less every year, and the reaction is generally one of surprise and curiosity. I get quizzed on why I would give up something I enjoy, am I religious, there must be a reason. It seems that "to prove I can" is not a good enough reason, and is met with "but why". It's hard in social situation with people who see you as the same as them to explain. It’s embarrassing to be put on the spot by a group of quizzical faces, expected to give what they consider a reasonable explanation of why you choose self denial. It took me a long time to work out that not everyone feels the way I do, so I can see how the same can happen the other way. 

I have a predisposition towards addiction. It’s always been the case, fortunately I managed to avoid getting addicted to anything particularly bad for me before I came to this realisation. I have been addicted to cigarettes and despite having quit 6 years ago (blimey 6 years!) I would kill for one right now. I have been addicted to other things, food, exercise; addiction to exercise by the way isn't as good for you as you might think. I am fortunate that I dislike alcohol and I’ve never come in to contact with any other substances that you really don't want to get hooked on. I sometimes wonder how different things might have been had my upbringing not been as sheltered as it was, there but for the grace of God and all that.

All of the above means that giving something up for Lent is a no brainer for me. Can I battle my will and win? I don't need to do it per say, but I like to check that I can. You might argue that it doesn't have to be Lent and of course you'd be right, but there is something about a set period of time, one which is probably longer than you'd set yourself, with a clear beginning and end point that makes it appealing. On top of that my school years were dominated by a religious backdrop so Lent holds and extra resonance for me. Last but not least it also means I’m not alone, even if I don’t know anyone personally giving something up for Lent, I know that there are other people out there doing the same as me.

I finally get why other people aren't as bothered about the idea of quitting, for the sake of it, as I am. I'd like to ask those of you out there that feel that way to remember when you come across someone who does choose to participant in Lent that they no doubt have their reasons, give them a break.

Right pass me the frying pan, the time has come for more pancakey goodness. I shall apologise now, as you are all in for 6 weeks of moaning about the lack of chocolate in my life, all I can do is try not to go on too much about it and remind you I have my reasons. 

The Simplest of Tasks

Isn't it amazing how quickly things can go from good, or even just fine, to a complete disaster? Take last night for example I didn't hit complete disaster, but I did find miffed, drained and bordering on chaotic, it's the same principle. More to the point I got to the stage where you wonder, at which moment, your day took the turning that ended up here.

My day started pretty well, yes I was at work all day, but I had been listening to podcasts while raising countless invoices, I'd had a run at lunch time and I got a moment to jot down some ideas for a short story. I did an errand after work which took less time than I'd expected, spoken to a good friend and then visited another friend with a new baby. I popped to the shop and headed home, set for a good evening. Then everything seemed to go to hell.

I tried to undertake what was supposed to be a 'simple' task, but I could not get everything to work the way it should. I knew it wasn't that hard, which meant it frustrated me all the more. The kind of frustrated you get, when you know you should just leave it alone or you'll make it worse, but you end up fidgety and uncomfortable when you do walk away. You have to keep going back, having another go, like when you were 8 years old and unable to stop yourself picking a scab on your knee.

Things went down hill from that point onwards. I had promised myself I would just do that one job and then I would sort out the mess in the house whilst cooking dinner and getting my bits ready for the morning, so that after dinner I could have a nice sit down. That's not how it happened. I had to give up on the 'simple' task to put dinner on, but I couldn't concentrate on getting anything done properly. Even when I was eating my meal I couldn't concentrate. I kept having another look, trying again, getting more and more worked up. I almost had a little cry. I boiled the kettle at least five times, but never did have a cup of tea, thinking about it, perhaps that's where I was going wrong.

Eventually I realised with a horrible sinking feeling that it was past bedtime, I had nothing ready for the next day and I needed to stop. It was only when I finally did sit down that it dawned on me, maybe it wasn't the, surprisingly difficult, 'simple' task that was bothering me. Up until that point my week had been non stop, my feet had barely touched the group, I'd gone from one thing to the next, to the next and everything had run like clock work. If one piece of the puzzle had slipped, everything would have gone awry and I wouldn't have been able to catch up with myself. So it was a really good job that everything had gone to plan and .............wait a minute. That 'simple' task had been the blade across my Achilles heal. I talked before about how important it is to have a sit down and take time for you. That's all well and good, but if it's built into a day that is perfectly timed down to the last second and something slips, either me time or your sanity, is going to get lost vey quickly. So there is another lesson that I have recognised, if not yet fully learnt.

In case you were wondering, that 'simple' task was to put a screen protector on to my new tablet to keep it all clean and shiny. What actually happened was I put it on upside down, approximately 45 degrees from straight, with several bubbles and some mystery fluff trapped underneath it. Having now calmed down and reflected though I have realised that what is truly important in all of this is I HAVE A TABLET! 

I learn to spell criticism (probably)

I’m afraid I’m a bit rambly this week, I’ve been thinking a lot about criticism, it’s one of those subjects that morphs and changes as you look at it. Still here are some of the thoughts I wanted to put out there, however I feel this is one that might need revisiting.

Criticism is a funny thing, hard to take, surprisingly hard to give despite the fact we all fantasies, probably daily, about dishing some out. What tends to happen when you give criticism whether it be vindictively to those we feel deserve it, or indeed in good faith that we are doing something difficult for the benefit of a friend or loved one, is that we end up feeling crappy. Rash criticisms given in anger never end well, for one thing they tend to be untrue, and they really convey what is meant. Even criticism that has been thought through can go wrong, over thinking things with a splash of nerves and it all comes out wrong. What about well meaning criticism that are masquerading as advice, they have a tendency to create their own special type of hurt, as damage limitation spirals out of control and tempers quickly fray.

I received some highly constructive criticism recently on a piece of writing I posted online. I asked for such comments in the posting, and was happy to receive some really useful pointers and notes. It still hurt though. That is of course utterly ridiculous, I had asked for the feedback, it was all justified and presented in a perfectly acceptable way. I am just not used to criticism and so my gut reaction was not a good one. Once I had a chance to digest the comments, I came back and saw it for what it was, but never-the-less the strength of my initial reaction bothered me. Why couldn’t I just take what had been said at face value and get on with it, why did I let something so small hold me back, even for a minute?

I think part of the problem, is that we aren’t very good at giving criticisms, because we tend to avoid them. Avoiding it means, in turn, we aren’t very good at taking it either. As a society the norm is to hold our tongues, we avoid all the small, day to day criticisms, which should be the way we learn how to give and receive criticism, without the pain or anguish that it seems to cause. Instead, we are nice, we smile and we say nothing. Why tell your friend you don’t like her new outfit when she asks, because there is no point in causing her pain for no reason, right? Why not tell your Mum that dinner sucks, because that would be ungrateful. We tell a million little lies everyday to keep the peace, but in the long run does it do greater damage? If we learnt from a young age how to honestly comment without being critical (perhaps the words if part of the problem) then perhaps we would also learn that it’s ok if someone’s opinion differs. We’d learn how to objectively handle the bigger stuff, the more serious criticisms, the ones which if only we could see them clearly could make a valuable difference to our lives.

Maybe we also need to learn to stand on our own two feet a little more and be more responsible for ourselves. Your friend doesn’t like your new hair cut? Do you? If you do then actually what is the problem, they are entitled to their own opinion, you can thank them for their input and move on. Maybe you weren’t sure about the new look in the first place, rather than walking round a little uncertain of yourself, confidence slowly draining, you can do something about it, change it and comfortably thank your friend for their input.

I seriously doubt any of the issues surrounding criticism are going to shift any time soon, but thinking about it will at least make me try and be a little more objective for now on and try and take some of the emotion out of it. Oh by the way, those shoes, yeah the new ones you just got, hate them! 

A Sit Down (and a cup of tea)

There are lots of things I could have chosen to write about today. The fact that I went to a Football match, in January no less, especially given I’m more a Polo in June sorta gal. I could talk about the fragility of friendships, the trouble with twitter, or the fact my stupid phone is a piece of sh......................! However whilst all of those are topics are things I may return to, today I want to talk about just having a nice sit down.

A nice sit down with a cup of tea, a proper “ahhhh” moment, clichéd, definitely, but I do tend to find that clichés are clichés for a reason. There is something to be said for a sit down, a proper sit down, a moment of pause, a minute in which to do nothing. Now admittedly I’m the type of person who rarely sits down, and when I do I’m usually doing at least three other things at the same time. I never used to be this way, but apparently with me you don’t get middle ground, only extremes. Having seen both extremes has allowed me to see that it is not just the folks like the ‘new’ me that have the problem. People who you look at and think “well they don’t do a lot, they must have oddles of me time” are probably just as bad as everyone else.

I used to be rather a big lass, and not in a good way. I was generally quite stationary and I rarely did what I was supposed to be doing. Never-the-less, much as the evidence seemed to point to the contrary, I never stopped, I never took time for me. I would regularly “reward” myself, perk myself up from all the non-me stuff in my life, generally with a kitkat, a packet of crips, a cigarette, and on a couple of occasions a 500g block of cheese, neat. I thought of these ‘treats’ as me moments, but they were exactly the opposite, they were moments where I could hid from the things I didn’t want to face, short lived moments that needed regularly repeating to keep me going, and of course by regularly repeating them I also put on about 50 extra pounds.

I believe that having a proper sit down is a real treat that we owe ourselves at some point every day. It is all too easy to think you have taken a moment for yourself, a moment to just enjoy the moment, when in fact all you’ve done is given yourselves a brief reward that won’t sustain you nearly as much as you think. I’m talking a proper sit down,  none of this perching on the edge of the sofa for a moment whilst catching a few minutes of the show that happens to be on, whilst all the while know you should be getting on with the washing up/ ironing/ hovering*. How about when you are fully entrenched on the sofa, but with the TV, laptop and phone all on around you and allowing you to engage in several types of media at once, that is not time for yourself. There is so much going on in our lives all the time and it is easy to think you are resting when really you are just engaging in another distraction from yourself.

It’s taken me a long time and someone repeatedly telling me, to realise how important time for me, is. I would go as far as to say it is up there with food, air and shelter. I guess it was only yesterday that it finally struck me how big of a deal I think this is. I got a phone call from a good friend, someone who is going through a bit of a tough time, who needed a chat. The one thing I found myself wanting to impart more than any of the other bits of advice, or things I though might cheer them up, was take time for you.

It’s funny, having a sit down is something some of us really need to work at and then there are those who do it natural. My other half has always stressed how important it is too him to have time for himself. I could never really understand why it was so important to him. I think I am starting to get it.

So now I’ll leave you guys to it, I’m off to make a cuppa, toast a hot cross bun and just have a nice sit down, maybe you should too.

*delete as appropriate