Shrove Tuesday

Happy Pancake Day bloggersphere, I hope you have all spent the day gorging yourselves on lovely treats. I for one have spent my evening indulging in lemon and sugar, chocolate and banana, cinnamon and syrup filled pancakes. I am sure some of you will have given a thought to the reason we celebrate Pancake Day. I know I have had a fair few conversations in the last week about Shrove Tuesday, Lent and of course what, if anything, people might consider giving up.

I find that at this time of year I hear a lot of people pondering what they may or may not be able to give up, always an interesting conversation. You hear a lot of “I might give up this”, or “I'd like to give up that”, often people will decide not to actual give them up. Personally I think just reflecting on what we could or could not do without is the most important part of the process.

What does always take me by surprise however, is the reaction toward anyone, me in this case, who is already committed to give something up. People ask "Are you giving something up?" or "What would you give up?" rarely do I hear "What are you giving up?" I give the same answer more or less every year, and the reaction is generally one of surprise and curiosity. I get quizzed on why I would give up something I enjoy, am I religious, there must be a reason. It seems that "to prove I can" is not a good enough reason, and is met with "but why". It's hard in social situation with people who see you as the same as them to explain. It’s embarrassing to be put on the spot by a group of quizzical faces, expected to give what they consider a reasonable explanation of why you choose self denial. It took me a long time to work out that not everyone feels the way I do, so I can see how the same can happen the other way. 

I have a predisposition towards addiction. It’s always been the case, fortunately I managed to avoid getting addicted to anything particularly bad for me before I came to this realisation. I have been addicted to cigarettes and despite having quit 6 years ago (blimey 6 years!) I would kill for one right now. I have been addicted to other things, food, exercise; addiction to exercise by the way isn't as good for you as you might think. I am fortunate that I dislike alcohol and I’ve never come in to contact with any other substances that you really don't want to get hooked on. I sometimes wonder how different things might have been had my upbringing not been as sheltered as it was, there but for the grace of God and all that.

All of the above means that giving something up for Lent is a no brainer for me. Can I battle my will and win? I don't need to do it per say, but I like to check that I can. You might argue that it doesn't have to be Lent and of course you'd be right, but there is something about a set period of time, one which is probably longer than you'd set yourself, with a clear beginning and end point that makes it appealing. On top of that my school years were dominated by a religious backdrop so Lent holds and extra resonance for me. Last but not least it also means I’m not alone, even if I don’t know anyone personally giving something up for Lent, I know that there are other people out there doing the same as me.

I finally get why other people aren't as bothered about the idea of quitting, for the sake of it, as I am. I'd like to ask those of you out there that feel that way to remember when you come across someone who does choose to participant in Lent that they no doubt have their reasons, give them a break.

Right pass me the frying pan, the time has come for more pancakey goodness. I shall apologise now, as you are all in for 6 weeks of moaning about the lack of chocolate in my life, all I can do is try not to go on too much about it and remind you I have my reasons. 

The Simplest of Tasks

Isn't it amazing how quickly things can go from good, or even just fine, to a complete disaster? Take last night for example I didn't hit complete disaster, but I did find miffed, drained and bordering on chaotic, it's the same principle. More to the point I got to the stage where you wonder, at which moment, your day took the turning that ended up here.

My day started pretty well, yes I was at work all day, but I had been listening to podcasts while raising countless invoices, I'd had a run at lunch time and I got a moment to jot down some ideas for a short story. I did an errand after work which took less time than I'd expected, spoken to a good friend and then visited another friend with a new baby. I popped to the shop and headed home, set for a good evening. Then everything seemed to go to hell.

I tried to undertake what was supposed to be a 'simple' task, but I could not get everything to work the way it should. I knew it wasn't that hard, which meant it frustrated me all the more. The kind of frustrated you get, when you know you should just leave it alone or you'll make it worse, but you end up fidgety and uncomfortable when you do walk away. You have to keep going back, having another go, like when you were 8 years old and unable to stop yourself picking a scab on your knee.

Things went down hill from that point onwards. I had promised myself I would just do that one job and then I would sort out the mess in the house whilst cooking dinner and getting my bits ready for the morning, so that after dinner I could have a nice sit down. That's not how it happened. I had to give up on the 'simple' task to put dinner on, but I couldn't concentrate on getting anything done properly. Even when I was eating my meal I couldn't concentrate. I kept having another look, trying again, getting more and more worked up. I almost had a little cry. I boiled the kettle at least five times, but never did have a cup of tea, thinking about it, perhaps that's where I was going wrong.

Eventually I realised with a horrible sinking feeling that it was past bedtime, I had nothing ready for the next day and I needed to stop. It was only when I finally did sit down that it dawned on me, maybe it wasn't the, surprisingly difficult, 'simple' task that was bothering me. Up until that point my week had been non stop, my feet had barely touched the group, I'd gone from one thing to the next, to the next and everything had run like clock work. If one piece of the puzzle had slipped, everything would have gone awry and I wouldn't have been able to catch up with myself. So it was a really good job that everything had gone to plan and .............wait a minute. That 'simple' task had been the blade across my Achilles heal. I talked before about how important it is to have a sit down and take time for you. That's all well and good, but if it's built into a day that is perfectly timed down to the last second and something slips, either me time or your sanity, is going to get lost vey quickly. So there is another lesson that I have recognised, if not yet fully learnt.

In case you were wondering, that 'simple' task was to put a screen protector on to my new tablet to keep it all clean and shiny. What actually happened was I put it on upside down, approximately 45 degrees from straight, with several bubbles and some mystery fluff trapped underneath it. Having now calmed down and reflected though I have realised that what is truly important in all of this is I HAVE A TABLET! 

I learn to spell criticism (probably)

I’m afraid I’m a bit rambly this week, I’ve been thinking a lot about criticism, it’s one of those subjects that morphs and changes as you look at it. Still here are some of the thoughts I wanted to put out there, however I feel this is one that might need revisiting.

Criticism is a funny thing, hard to take, surprisingly hard to give despite the fact we all fantasies, probably daily, about dishing some out. What tends to happen when you give criticism whether it be vindictively to those we feel deserve it, or indeed in good faith that we are doing something difficult for the benefit of a friend or loved one, is that we end up feeling crappy. Rash criticisms given in anger never end well, for one thing they tend to be untrue, and they really convey what is meant. Even criticism that has been thought through can go wrong, over thinking things with a splash of nerves and it all comes out wrong. What about well meaning criticism that are masquerading as advice, they have a tendency to create their own special type of hurt, as damage limitation spirals out of control and tempers quickly fray.

I received some highly constructive criticism recently on a piece of writing I posted online. I asked for such comments in the posting, and was happy to receive some really useful pointers and notes. It still hurt though. That is of course utterly ridiculous, I had asked for the feedback, it was all justified and presented in a perfectly acceptable way. I am just not used to criticism and so my gut reaction was not a good one. Once I had a chance to digest the comments, I came back and saw it for what it was, but never-the-less the strength of my initial reaction bothered me. Why couldn’t I just take what had been said at face value and get on with it, why did I let something so small hold me back, even for a minute?

I think part of the problem, is that we aren’t very good at giving criticisms, because we tend to avoid them. Avoiding it means, in turn, we aren’t very good at taking it either. As a society the norm is to hold our tongues, we avoid all the small, day to day criticisms, which should be the way we learn how to give and receive criticism, without the pain or anguish that it seems to cause. Instead, we are nice, we smile and we say nothing. Why tell your friend you don’t like her new outfit when she asks, because there is no point in causing her pain for no reason, right? Why not tell your Mum that dinner sucks, because that would be ungrateful. We tell a million little lies everyday to keep the peace, but in the long run does it do greater damage? If we learnt from a young age how to honestly comment without being critical (perhaps the words if part of the problem) then perhaps we would also learn that it’s ok if someone’s opinion differs. We’d learn how to objectively handle the bigger stuff, the more serious criticisms, the ones which if only we could see them clearly could make a valuable difference to our lives.

Maybe we also need to learn to stand on our own two feet a little more and be more responsible for ourselves. Your friend doesn’t like your new hair cut? Do you? If you do then actually what is the problem, they are entitled to their own opinion, you can thank them for their input and move on. Maybe you weren’t sure about the new look in the first place, rather than walking round a little uncertain of yourself, confidence slowly draining, you can do something about it, change it and comfortably thank your friend for their input.

I seriously doubt any of the issues surrounding criticism are going to shift any time soon, but thinking about it will at least make me try and be a little more objective for now on and try and take some of the emotion out of it. Oh by the way, those shoes, yeah the new ones you just got, hate them!