Chilly Brrrrrrr

**RANT**

I’m cold, I’m tired, approximately 78.9% of me aches, and there is no decent chocolate in the house. I am currently sat combating the above with a hot water bottle attractively wedged down my waistband, chowing down ibuprofen and considering spreading nutella on a chocolate digestive. The aches and pains I’ll accept, they are probably self inflicted, as is the tiredness which I’ll also take responsibility for. The chocolate is a bigger problem and it is currently incurable and not my fault. The blame for that, I lay at the feet of my other half. However since he is currently out working his third night shift on a cold and foggy night, probably picking up someone who either isn’t that ill or could get themselves to hospital if they tried, I’ll let him off, for now. The cold however is another matter and one I am hereby thoroughly objecting to. It seems that whatever I do I am cold, even in the height of summer the slightest breeze fells like a chill to me. I’m the only person I know to pack several jumpers on an August trip to California, that air-conditioning is frightful you know. In fact the only time that I am warm is doing cardio, or at 3am inevitably on a Monday morning when I wake up sweating profusely, inexplicably with no feeling in my hands and I cannot for the love of all that is good and pure get back to sleep.

I hate being cold all the time. For starters being too hot or too cold means you are constantly uncomfortable, you are always adjusting, always trying to get to a state where you feel settled and that is tiring. It drains you always being cold, even if it is only a little chilly, you notice it, your are always aware of it. If you are always cold, forget having a sense of style or developing your own fashion signature, because however good you look no one else will see it because you have to cover everything up with three layers of jumpers, fleeces and associated gubins. Of course the other issue that comes with being cold is occasionally being too hot for short periods of time. Say you walk somewhere briskly for example, you are obviously doing your usual and wearing plenty of layers, so of course as soon as you enter somewhere that is warmer that where were, you have a sudden short heat wave all to yourself. You get sweaty, go red, and everyone around you thinks you are a bit special as you frantically strip down to the minimum amount of clothing you can wear whilst remaining decent, even if you are able to hold on to any pride, approximately 5-10 minutes later your body catches up and you are suddenly piling layers back on as though the next arctic winter has arrived unannounced. It is thoroughly ridiculous and general means that people rarely believe that you can be cold al the time.

The whole things is frustrating, annoying and ultimately completely out of my control. And so I shall continue to sit here with my hot water bottle wedged down my pants and hope that at least when my other half gets home he’ll be doing his best impression of the milk tray man.

**RANT OVER**